just a thinkin'

I had a meeting today. It wasn't a bad meeting but one that helps. I am learning so much about myself it is kind of scary. I learned today that I am human and I can't change the fact that confrontations scare the *&^%$ out of me. I also learned today that I am way to serious of a person and I also know why I am that way. So here is to learning to laugh even if that means at myself. I have started a list of what makes me angry and am going to try to work on this. Can you see a relation between the last two? Someone has also helped me to realize that sometimes in order to see what God is doing he has to bring us through something uncomfortable. WOW! that stinks if you think about it but when you look at the positives that God in turn shows you, it makes the bad thing not so bad. I wish I would realize this sooner. I also got some parenting ideas, I'm hoping that they help. And the last thing that is so sticking with me right now, is that the last ten years of my sons life has been a truly bumpy ride. He is extremely observant and somewhere along the way without me realizing it he has gotten a broken heart from this family. Eventhough she told me not to beat myself up that is hard to do. I feel utter complete horrible for him because in many ways I still have my broken heart from when I was a child and I know how it feels. The one thing that I promised myself to not do and it seems that it happened anyway. I know that the Lord is the only one that can heal this pain for him. I just pray that he won't end up hating me like I do my mother.